


Five Times Castiel and Dean Talked…And One They Didn’t

by cordeliadelayne



Series: Five Things Spn [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Getting Together, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions Castiel/Ruby, Multi, five things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 18:15:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8024023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cordeliadelayne/pseuds/cordeliadelayne
Summary: Castiel assumes that getting Dean to do as Heaven asks will be easy, that like all humans he will bend to an angel’s will. He is wrong.





	Five Times Castiel and Dean Talked…And One They Didn’t

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to Livejournal in 2009.

**One**

He finds it difficult to concentrate inside a human vessel. There is always so much more noise to drown out, too many thoughts of himself and Jimmy and everything becomes so tangled. He is worried that this means his control is slipping, but there is nothing he can do about it now. No one he can talk to about it.

He had tried to discuss his fears with Uriel, but that had not gone well. But there is of course, Dean. There is always Dean. Strange that in such a short amount of time Dean has become _someone_ to him. He knows this is wrong and so allows the feeling to bleed into Jimmy’s soul, lest it be confused for his true self. It isn’t lying, exactly, but it is close enough to make him feel uncomfortable. Constantly.

Sam and Dean. Dean and Sam. But oh so often just Dean. Always Dean.  
  
“I don’t understand,” Castiel told him. Dean didn’t look up from cleaning his guns, he merely grunted. “How you can have so little faith, after everything you have seen.”

“Faith doesn’t keep you alive.”

“Doesn’t it?” Castiel asked. “Your faith in salt, in religious symbols, in the power of words…”

“That’s different,” Dean said, finally looking up at the angel.

“Why?”

“Because that _works_. Because I can see it working, okay? Faith, faith is just…” Frustrated he stood up and walked closer to Castiel. Something deep inside him stirred, but he remained in place. “I don’t expect you to understand.” And he turned away from Castiel and suddenly Castiel felt cold.

“Sam will be back soon,” Dean said, resuming the cleaning of his weapons.

“You do not wish me to meet him?” Castiel asked. He wasn’t sure himself whether their meeting yet would be a good idea, but part of him wanted Dean to want them to meet.

Dean shrugged. “You’re the angel. I figure you got places you ought to be.”

He doesn’t look at Castiel and Castiel leaves without a word.

**Two**

“I am truly sorry.”

“Are you? Are you really?” Dean asked, crowding Castiel up against the wall. It is all an illusion; Castiel could crush Dean if he wanted to.

He hopes it is an illusion.

“Anna…”

“ _Don’t,”_ Dean said. “Just. Don’t.” He sounded very much like his soul was cracking and Castiel wanted nothing more than to heal him. But he cannot.

“I was…”

“Following orders? Yeah, I got that memo. Twice.”

Dean pushed futilely at Castiel and then turned his back on him. Sam was still sleeping in the car and Dean had wanted to join him, but sleep wouldn’t come. Instead he’d gone to get some fresh air, and stumbled on his shadow.

“You were working with the demon?” Castiel asked, unsure why he asked. This uncertainty was disconcerting.

“Ruby,” Dean replied reluctantly. “Her name is Ruby. And yeah. She’s surprisingly reliable.”

Castiel looked at the ground rather than see the disappointment in Dean’s eyes. How to explain the ways of Heaven to a human who had always waged against control? Had always sought his own way, no matter how painful.

“You trust her?”

Dean looked at Castiel incredulously. And then snorted. “I guess I do. Sort of. Why?”

“Your trust is important,” Castiel said and he disappeared before he could register Dean’s startled expression. There was someone he wanted to talk to.  
  
**Three**

“You are no help to anyone if you run yourself into the ground.”

Dean flinched as Castiel appeared before him. “God Dammit, will you quit with the _magician_ routine.” He laughed humourlessly and Castiel frowned. “Just, leave me alone will you? Sam’s…” He waved a hand – meaning “out there, gone, I don’t know where” and with a sigh sank back down into the booth in the corner of the bar, signally for the waitress to return.

Castiel sat down opposite him. “I’ll have what he’s having,” he told the waitress, much to Dean’s exaggerated surprise.

“Are you guys allowed to get drunk?” Dean asked once the waitress had left.

“The alcohol will not affect me,” Castiel replied. For a moment he thought he saw a look of disappointment on Dean’s face, but just as quickly it was gone. He wished he was able to read the expressions of humans as easily as those of demons.

Castiel took a long gulp of whiskey. He realised this is what humans do when they have something they wish to forget playing on their minds. Or when they have a taste they wish to rid themselves of. Never had human actions seemed more appropriate.

“You okay?” Dean asked.

Castiel’s lips twitched. No matter what, Dean would always place others before himself. Even if they were unworthy.

“I have been…talking with Ruby.” Dean raised an eyebrow. “She is, quite surprising.”

“Yeah,” Dean said. “That’s one word for her.” He watched as Castiel took another drink. “And by talking you mean…?”

“I mean talking,” Castiel said quickly. This time he did recognise the flash in Dean’s eyes as jealousy.

“Well, I gotta…” he stood to go, but Castiel caught his arm and pulled him into a kiss. It was sloppy and uncontrolled, and not at all like the kiss Ruby had given him. But when Dean pulled away it wasn’t with disgust in his eyes, just curiosity.

“Cas…”

Castiel did not wait to hear what he was going to say though. He disappeared in a flutter of wings that set Dean’s teeth on edge.

**Four**

“Tell me that wasn’t your idea.”

Castiel looked up from his silent contemplation of the playground and winced at the look on Dean’s face. Perhaps reading human emotions wasn’t so difficult after all.

“Dean, I…”

“I swear to God, if you say you were just following orders…” Dean’s anger was coming off of him in waves, leaving Castiel momentarily blinded. So much so that he didn’t register Dean was pushing him back on to the bench until it was happening. Until his body was reacting to Dean’s just as it had to the demons.

What was happening to him?

“Tell me you didn’t...” Dean said, not even sure of what he was asking. His hands balled into fists, grabbing at Castiel’s coat, but not doing anything with them. Just holding them there, waiting.

“It was not my idea,” Castiel said. Which was all it took for Dean to be pulling him into a kiss and for him to be responding.

This was not at all like kissing the demon. There was affection here, desire, want, _need_. Castiel had never needed anything as much as he did Dean’s hands on him, pulling at his coat and trousers, rubbing against him.

“Dean,” he purred against Dean’s neck, nibbling at it the same way Ruby had nibbled at his. He tried not to think about how he had learned to illicit those groans from Dean. That Dean was not his first.

“Cas, oh, god, Cas, yes,” Dean murmured, his hand on both their erections driving them over the edge until the only sound Castiel could hear was the beating of Dean’s heart as he lay, sated, against his chest.

“This should never have happened,” Castiel said. Dean stiffened in his arms, but remained silent. Castiel planted a kiss against Dean’s forehead. “I do not know what will happen now.”

But he was not afraid. Not while Dean was relaxing in his arms. Not even when he could hear the Archangel’s calling his name.

**Five**

“How could you?” Dean demanded. “You just…how could you?”

“I’m sorry, Dean.”

“No, Dammit, no, you don’t get to say that to me.” Dean’s fist slammed into Castiel’s face, but the only damage done was to Dean’s hand.

“Dean, you must understand, this is the best…”

“No, I don’t understand. I don’t _want_ to understand. You…I thought you and I…” Dean’s anger wrapped itself around him and Castiel couldn’t see a way through. He wanted, no, _needed_ Dean to understand, but he was so blinded by his own pain that he didn’t even notice Heaven’s grip upon his Grace had slipped away.

“Dean, please. I only want what is best for you. It is all I have ever wanted. And if that means sacrificing…”

“No,” Dean said. He was far angrier than Castiel had ever seen him and Castiel took a step back. “No one makes any sacrifices on my behalf. Least of all you.”

Dean turned his back on him then, trying to regain his composure. Castiel watched with growing apprehension. He had always trusted Dean’s judgement. Why should now be any different? Heaven was not infallible.

Castiel frowned. Such blasphemy should bring him fear and anguish. But all he felt was relief. So he stepped closer to Dean, knowing that this was the moment when everything would change. He would have to disobey his orders. Go against everything he was. There was too much at stake not to.  
  
**Six**

He’ll hold them off. All of them. And he doesn’t know if he’ll shatter into a thousand pieces but he has to do this. He has faith; faith so strong it’ll snap the Archangel’s wings, crack the Earth in two, burn the eyes out of all who look on him.

Because his faith in Dean is as strong as any faith he ever had in his Father or his Father’s angels. Dean needs him. And so does Sam. And he needs Dean, though the very idea of being tied to a mortal is momentarily more terrifying than what is to come.

So he doesn’t get to say one last, proper goodbye to Dean. He wished he’d been able to put into words, put into that single touch to Dean’s forehead, everything he felt and wanted and needed to let Dean know. He doesn’t get to comfort Dean at the moment of his failure but he felt it. The cracking of the Earth as the Lightbringer’s freedom was assured.

Because none of that is important. For He walks amongst them once more. And there are no words.


End file.
